I've been experiencing this identity crises. I feel like if I wear dresses and crap I can't be gay. I mean, I want people to know I'm gay. I may not say it to their faces, but I want them to look at me and think "What a gaywad!"
I like my cargo pants (How did these become exclusively lesbian? Cargos are awesome on everybody!) and button ups, but sometimes I wanna wear a dress and MAYBEmaybenot wear some makeup and MAYBEMAYBENOTIDK some heels. But when I do I feel really... straight. I mean, is that bad? I know that not all lesbians are butchy softball players named "Sam" or "Chris." But seriously, I just want to wear a dress and still feel like a gaywad.
How do femmes do it? I get that maybe not everyone has this weird need to be recognized as gay.
Maybe it's all my experiences with creepy guys. I have literally been stalked by two creepy teenage boys all over downtown. We were sitting at a gelato place's outdoor seating, and these mofos circled around the block and kept passing the gelato place the whole time we sat there. And then followed us everywhere else. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but that experience really scared the pants off me, and made me kinda paranoid. Honestly, I know that if I had been alone, they probably would have raped me. Again, maybe dramatic, but they just gave me horrifying vibes.
I feel like if I dress gayer then maybe they'll leave me alone more. I know that gay girls get hit on too, but heterosexual men really only care about femme lesbians don't they? If I continue to dress in sweater vests and ties, they'll leave me alone right?
The more I think about it, the more it becomes a security blanket.
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